How do I want to be remembered
I’ve sat up all night wracking my brain trying to recall anything my brother has done that would be a good thing in his life. All I can come up with is that he was always in trouble and very angry. Up until the recent years he was my favorite brother.. he always made me laugh. he would let me cry on his shoulder and always wanted to protect me. But then he started getting into trouble. but even in Jail he said he would protect his “little sister” against anyone that would harm me. I guess that would be a good thing because it showed he did care. Though I can laugh about the stunts he pulled that got him in jail or prison the point is he never learned and was being rather stupid about trying to find the “fast path” to success which was not so fast as he thought. He was a genius in a lot of ways. he was very smart but all I can think is that his anger and such overrode his mind. But I’m not here to try to figure out what made him tick. I’m here trying to decide the way my life is heading if that is the way I want to be remembered. Is there something in my life that i’ve done that was a good thing and have I continued to be a good person and such? I don’t think so. So today starts a brand new day for my life and I am going to make the best of it as I possibly can. maybe i’ll find my little area that fits me to a tee and will have a strong ripple effect through out time. I’ve always believed that there was something “special” I was always meant to do but to this point i’ve not found out what it was. My long term goal is to figure that out. Short term goal is to get myself back in shape and start taking better care of myself again. I’m overdue in that respect and I feel it is time I started again to look ahead and decide where I want to be in 5 10 20 years from now. I think I want to be known for doing something really Special and succeeding in all the things i’ve attempted from this point on. instead of a “couch potatoe” who never finished anything. One thing I can say is my brother’s death has made me feel like i’ve been set free from some horrible pit of despair and now i’ve got the rest of my life to make up for the things i’ve done that I don’t care for and want to make right. who knows maybe i’ll discover the cure for the common cold or a cure for migrains. that would be good but what ever I do end up working on I will be successful at it.. just have to figure what that will be..
Cheers to my brother for finally setting me free